Light Bulb Jokes

NOTE:The following "jokes" have been cleared by the Committee on Illumination Diversity (COLD) and have been granted provisional status as marginally acceptable humor -- provided that this disclaimer is affixed to the page: None of the following jokes are intended to offend or suggest that incandescent lighting in an unreliable source of illumination. If by chance you do find the term "light bulb" offensive, please feel free to substitute the phrase lima bean(s).

Question: How many UUs does it take to change a light bulb?

Answers:

1. None, we accept the light bulb the way it is.
    
2. None, we appoint a committee to raise funds to pay the electric bill.
    
3. None, UUs think the light bulb should change by itself. 
    
4. Three: One to change the bulb. The other two make sure the power doesn't go to her head.
    
5. None, UUs aren't afraid of the dark! 
    
6. Nine. Three to form the committee "For" change; three to form the committee "Against" change; two to abstain; and one secretary to record the meetings of both groups. 
    
7. It's about 5 or 6, isn't it? Whatever is a quorum for the church board meeting. Well, plus, of course a couple members of the Building & Grounds Committee to actually get the ladder & bulb and DO it... and of course the chair and vice- chair of the committee to supervise... oh, they can't come Saturday? Well, how about Sunday just before the service... oh, the choir's rehearsing? Oh, God! No, I'm not praying! It's just an expression! What do you mean, I use too many careless expressions!? If I gave the kind of wacky pulpit editorials you do... no I am NOT appointing myself Censor of the Liturgy... Liturgy?? What's a liturgy?..... 

How many members of a UUA committee does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten, of whom at least:
five must be women, 
three ministers, 
one Canadian, 
one youth, 
two elderly, 
two gay or lesbian, 
one Christian, 
one disabled, 
one a UUA Board member, 
and no more than three from any one UUA District! 

How many UUs does it take to change in a light bulb?

Answer: Three - one to write a solemn statement which will affirm the following:

1. This light bulb is natural, a part of the universe, and evolved over many years by small steps. 
2. There must be no discrimination against dark bulbs in any form, and means must be found for all "dark" bulbs to take their place alongside light bulbs on a basis of equality. 
3. We affirm the right of all bulbs to screw into the sockets of their choice regardless of the bulb's illumination preference. 
4. UUs seek for each light bulb the fullest opportunity to develop itself to its full electrical potential. 

A second UU who will read this statement, even if s/he is the only human being to do so. The reader will then write the obligatory criticism and dissent